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Heavy Is The Crown

by Hungry Lights

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1.
Instrumental.
2.
Contempt 06:57
I was damned to repeat it Temerity leaking and left behind Miles out in the burning sea -Where my virtue stayed afloat My summer came, I let it slip And now regret tugged at my coat In spite of the seed I chose to grow When you smiled, I'd reconcile with all disdain my body showed And with pretentious, tired eyes... I would look into the sea, And long a crown that never fit I would not admit defeat Had it gone differently, I could have been a king! Now contrition curled my skin Does it amuse you to watch a fool like me Walk down a fishing line Stretched 'cross a crater of sulfur and failure? Alive, but never I'd felt so dead! That beast, she groaned inside my head to be set free Ripping flesh from bone, Her watchful eyes had been exposed Salvation was unknown to me While I was trapped in that wolfskin This mind, o' it was already forsaken! And I breathed out flames and lies and lies Let me demonstrate the lack of faith I'd obtained True self, like a diamond, Was hiding and covered in soot Underneath mirrored mountains, You squirmed and you shook Such life should never be contained! So you claw and you bite and you scream I was made to show the world how much a failure Could grow and learn from his mistakes Instead of rotting in their wake All the glory—all the fame could never bring me consolation Forever feed this fire that calmly vampires and erodes itself -To only bring contempt
3.
Wickerman 06:18
O’ I had just simmered and fumed! My heyday was trimmed and was pruned T'was soiled with the mulch of remorse I replayed this hundreds of times in my head And I searched for a fault or a blunder or curse to blame -No such miscue occurred It was my cross to bear, And I walked with that cross on my back My bridle and patience wore off I'd not sink in and wait for a door I had to get out! -Had to flee from the scrawl in my head! All these starving flames inching onto me Can’t be stomped out now And you'd never let go We’re hanging from the edge, Swaying riotous While candles burn away at my straw, wicker hands O’ the fall’s so far down! From the brim of my hell, I had glimpsed an escape So I played a few hands, and I learned a few tricks And from ‘cross the bridge, such glowering facets turned It seemed luck's key had found its hole And with such merry comes great sorrow On and on those candles burned... This windfall would never wear off! With a verve, I made way toward the floor! Fate threw me the dice, And I staked such a price—that I did! One more game—one more chance to reclaim my crown! All these starving flames inching onto me Can’t be stomped out now And you'd never let go We’re hanging from the edge, Swaying riotous While candles burn away at my straw, wicker hands O’ the fall’s so far down! Then a darkness veiled the scene, And spelled me to walk the flames To roll and wonder—always wondering! If time rewound itself, I'd kick myself to leave This was defeat Before I even hit the ground, I knew that I was smoke A fuse made of greed had fastened into me And it had stitched up my retreat And I had been given one chance Bet you'll never see me again as I burn it all away I had betrayed me! I didn't know if I should fight or run or beg for mercy I knew for sure that all my common sense had turned to ash Across from me, a dozen eyes reflected malcontent So I stood up tall to point and aim the gun between his eyes I couldn't figure what I felt inside -It buzzed and pressured Like being stabbed in the gut And in the heat, I cried, "Get on your knees and beg me not to kill you and your family Down on your knees, You pray to God that I don't change my mind!” ‘Cause inside, there's a gun that's loaded And that gun's always itching to be fired I had my finger on it—I had my finger on it To pull the trigger -Problem solved and walk out pure as wine Had I learned to bite the bullet... Had I known my place in line... I had my finger on it—I had my finger on it And then I pulled it I was charred enough to change my mind
4.
O' how my actions turned me to a snarling beast! The very essence of what I had left behind -Back in the churning ocean The thorn that split my wheel was gnawing at my heel-side When did I learn to wield those fangs? I lost my mind, back in the sea And the wondering still frustrates me Of all the pawns my wrath could reap, It was one that hid forbidden shackles They twisted in and coiled up my arm Until they reached my rib-cage My heart displayed a quickset bolt -A lock for one who chose to compliment my rage An albatross is soaring high -The one I had admired from before Before my kettle boiled over To envy it’s not weighed down by my guilt Easier to forgive than it is to forget But my fate had come from a brother who's in ire Will my revered burn as I walk the coals? Where had I gone wrong? For you had paid for my misstep I walk a path I cannot see How the wandering does frustrate me! Revenge was sought and full of holes I know it so, for I had felt that emptiness And you were gone, and so my tears… They fell so sweet O' even autumn was pushed aside! Was I the snake that ate its own tail? A hungry light that did not think before it struck the fruit Could I find you? For in that corner, I chose to turn away You couldn't stand me The man that you had loved has died I’ve gone away O’ even if you called for me, I wouldn't change! I need a reason for peace in my mind Alone, I would trace it all backward If a hand is tied, I’ll grow two more! How the loss of what glimmered Can help a lowly man back to height! My awry ascent of delusion, I had dismissed it as a nightmare I am not settled in the crotales, For I’m not tuned for that score Cut in between the lines of who I was and am now My hands were soaked in blood My hands are soaked in blood -The ink to draw the map to lead me back to your side And there was nothing in the universe to keep me from you Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie So I approached it with caution Watch my hands for the cue, And I'll show you that I can't ever miss! I reminisce of a time I didn't half-walk on a thread so fine So connect the dots for me—one at a time Until this picture's clear ‘Cause I'm unsure if I can find where I lay in the design Cut in between the lines of who I was and am now My hands were soaked in blood My hands are soaked in blood -The ink to draw the map to lead me back to your side And there was nothing in the universe to keep me from you
5.
With much plight, I rose to full height Matching a hero! -The atramentous sky beating down And I was too proud to admit That all I had gained was a mess of dilemmas And I would not call this an encore T'was a brand new stage! Throw your pigeons a pie! This is my finest hour! Though you saw my return, You didn't see I'm no coward On my side, I noticed a dial No numbers or indication for sleight of my hand The way had been sealed from the inside The outside was weathered—much like myself So I poked and prodded its nature for the story it'd tell Throw your pigeons a pie! This is my finest hour! Though you saw my return, You didn't see I'm no coward With a heart opened wide, And a soul turning outward There was nothing to change Not in my finest hour And I reckon I'm cured So I sound out a hearty hallelujah! For the world looks much more perfect Through less sensitive eyes I read this on a paper that could represent my life At first, I deemed it hostile, For I only saw in one dimension It's overwhelming just to think I was so blind The answers I've been searching for are already here! If I'd just look around! Open the coffins I pretend are eyelids and stare! They're already here, And I saw past it all in disbelief Then my soul felt light as a feather And your waves had ushered my return That saline air I breathed brought memories of your shore So I poked and prodded your nature For the story you'd been trying to tell me It was written in stardust, but I was too prideful to see! Throw your pigeons a pie! This is my finest hour! Though you saw my return, You didn't see I'm no coward With a heart opened wide, And a soul turning outward There was nothing to change Not in my finest hour Not in my finest hour This is my finest hour!
6.
Piñata 09:52
A wasp buzzed with the beat of a drum that no one could hear I was in a dream when it pattered across my window of trance The waves heaved out a lumbered breath The eager sun stung my eyes The dream appeared as a riddle, For the soul cannot speak in words Your temptation found the stone When my perception was in the gray So I poked onerous at that dial That was lodged so deep inside my pith I did not ask to have this dream And with all the bloodshed, I'd one way to repent And when all the hellions opposing me Have kicked the flames, You’ll be back here with me To the heights, another foul nest—no branches I denied all I felt inside as they brought me down I was good ‘til your devilish stone kept prying To not invite the poison bite as they danced behind my eyes You threw your stone right into my chest And truth be told, I had not bled for this The vespiary inside was breached And here come the wasps to pique those in their way! To the heights, another foul nest—no branches I denied all I felt inside as they brought me down I was good ‘til your devilish stone kept prying To not invite the poison bite as they danced behind my eyes And who am I not to set them free? When if I don’t, they’ll eat away my insides I might have kept the nest, but you threw your stone So it’s not my fault No, it’s not my fault! And who am I not to set them free? When if I don’t, they’ll eat away my insides And who are you to act so pristine? Like you don’t have some soot of your own Well, Mrs. Humble, I’m sorry I don’t shine I’m a little scratched up from the mistakes of my life O’ Mrs. Humble, I’m sorry I don’t shine! I’m a little scuffed up from the mistakes I’ve made -But at least I lived my life Bet you’ll come around O’ I feel like I’m ruined! Their sting has seen to it And who’s watching? Who’s watching? In mirrors—reflections The swarm inside’s rewrote my way And I don't think I can be saved Too caught within their wicked horde, And we’ll never change So we sin and are sent down where I found my crown We sin and we sin and we sin and we sin Ever careful, you led me to the edge -A drop so endless, there’s no room to misstep And you told me, “I hope you brought your wings” A push so gentle, I barely seemed to notice the fall Did I trust you... -Touched by Heaven’s dirty fingers
7.
Demetrius 06:00
O' it was fool's gold! As I approached, distilled—swimming in dither Had I gone astray? Was it from longing for the crest I’d obtained? I wouldn’t feel the chains I was lost again The bridge from here to you was burned, And I was stuck in between two cliffs -One behind and one in front I sank down until a hold from up above I felt a pressing weight from my new crown, But I could never ever take it off I was trapped under all the nonsense upon my height How there was no fortune after all! Just a boa constricting and pressing in I've tried my hardest to fight against her revolt, But she had stonewalled O’ she’s the prospect I’d never hold! And a reflection from the out Distracting from the realm within me I knew not friend nor foe, For everything I saw was filmed in wrong I was dreaming Ladada-ladada-ladadum I was dreaming Ladada-ladadaaa! When I awoke, the world I knew had been retired It dropped down I dropped again! And I regret pursuing the foul beast, For I had let arrogance contort my perspective I’m in ire! And what a waste to think I had it perfect! No, what did I have? What did I have? Nothing! I am sincere when I say That I wish that I never went back to the sea -Deeper, the pit of my failures In my eyes, you’re a clockwork soot-bat Rearranged by perception Do you feel it, or do you just want to leave me? Well, aren’t I just the black-sheep jackal Kicked from Salvation's den! How do I know you don’t trust me? Because you tricked me... Is to trust not to put all faith into someone you don’t know? Well, I don’t know you At least I don’t anymore
8.
To your eyes, I might seem half alive But to me, fiction swirled and wrote my story -Possibly told allegory In hindsight, I should have stepped light But it's too late Deception had no meaning—the mask was torn I charged for I'm no coward! But I suppose I failed I tried to take this hour! But I suppose I failed There's only so much amends can change Before boiling over And all that I'd gained meant nothing to me For I was left field Wanting to rid me of her haunting And nothing real could stop me! But the faster I'd run, The tighter the fangs of the crest took hold Wide-eyed and turned around A stone pound in the chest—denied and downed But I still wore my crown When all odds are stacked against me And all courage split, I’ll stand my ground with a prideful prowess -Heavy is the crown I thought that I was bleeding virtue Bakarum, bakarum But all I ever did was hurt you Bakarum, bakarum And as she plays her heart before me, Put to sleep by her song I promised never to desert you… Bakarum, bakarum! Still lying to myself Come join my treasured collection of tales Beneath the onus upon my height, Was there a sliver of the man I used to be? Wide-eyed and turned around A stone pound in the chest—denied and downed But I still wore my crown When all odds are stacked against me And all courage split, I’ll stand my ground with a prideful prowess Heavy, the sucker’s crown
9.
Constancy 07:05
Fate decides this time I spend alone And I know it’s not forever So I keep to myself—my own little imperfection Would I try to write my own way Or trace the lines between the dots? O' I wish I could forget everything! To dig up all the seeds I had sown, All the dreams I had chased... How I wanted to make this right! But their buzzing dampened the way The swarm was too loud And was drowning the sound of my soul's shrieks How I just want to go back And remove myself from others’ lives! Blow up the bridge—a bomb between you and me Another could take my place! I want to be a nobody I want to disappear Your word's only good when it's not make-believe It's harder to reclaim a trust once it leaves And harder to do so from behind the walls of a prison cell But your arrow met its mark down the center Splintered, fractured, And dust was all that matched what you shot From the quiver of your scorn -Such bolts don't belong here How I just want to go back And remove myself from others’ lives! Blow up the bridge—a bomb between you and me Another could take my place! I want to be a nobody I want to disappear O' they took my lamb away! And the wolf I was, how I howled resurgence! And this chastened snare of pride and steel was a part of me How I'd bite my own head off! I was burning I was weakened What I felt’s below dismay To inherit such stigma and peel back that shell I don’t belong here No one cried, "timber" when I fell My roots were worn and dried So I just fell... I just fell apart Were you ever even with me? Did you ever even care? -Another victim for the coward’s rage If I went to the beginning, And I traced it back to here, Would I understand my flaws? And what am I to do with this limiting, fail-safe rationale? And who was I to prove? Being the conqueror, I had vanquished all the petty, little thorns on the sidewalk -Kept the concrete clear And so time increased its pacing Now too fast—I’ve grown afraid! And what am I to do with my fear? And how do I prevent these burning tears from falling out? If I run from the truth, I’m only hiding from myself But that reflection in the mirror, That’s not the person I should see
10.
O’ how faceless! How pitiful I’ve become A soft impersonation of who I am I’m outnumbered and made to fold Now an offed and spent reflection has stained the glass I once dreamed of a bittersweet end And I’m done correcting most flaws ‘Cause who am I to ever be anything? I’ve blown through the pages, And no hope for perfect sight I’m in denial But I'm not a coward! For when I had it all, I had the courage to let things go... Yet in the final hour, I was not good enough I'd not the strength to push things through You'd find me face down—alone The blinding glimmer of the king's crown Should never have tainted this mind I'd rather fail than lie again! But I'm not a coward! For when I had it all, I had the courage to let things go... Yet in the final hour, I was not good enough I'd not the strength to push things through O' I stood with a fist full of anger! I lashed out and clawed at the door Your cage could no longer contain me, For I was feeling that weight lift off That's me in the front of the chamber! That’s me who I saw in the glass! Your cage could no longer contain me! I was free... Now to keep that promise I'd made Windfall called me To slay any wicked things that stand in my way Hoping I'd find you in slumber soon
11.
In the darkness, there's a glow And I suppose that's the idea So to the ground, stealth and swiftly I proposed -On the chance, no one could hear me Warry footsteps in the gray But I’m not frightened I would fear me! And all this time, I'd never sank so low That’s why I feel so far away I'd one shot and all to lose (My eyes were shut, my ears were set) -No such thing as wasting time (Not a patient man, so a penitent man) My hands were coarse And my heart beat with a sound Like a stampede of horses I’d no idea what was waiting there for me That’s why I feel so far away I'd one shot and all to lose (My eyes were shut, my ears were set) -No such thing as wasting time (Not a patient man, so a penitent man) Patience—my only move (My eyes were shut, my ears were set) And that slipped when I fell away (Not a patient man, so a penitent man) My god, I’m not okay! Looking out in confusion, I had made a mistake! I had jumped to conclusion And there was no escape -Not my best I had sacrificed everything I would not leave this place empty-handed again! There was no retreat I’d not be defeated by virtue Believe, I’d push it What a heathen to make an impression on me! Introducing: the star of the show! Dirty fingers and laughing Your eyes could not lie I held my back to a fiery stove I was in ire—I was engulfed All I desired? -A slit of the throat I was outnumbered—all of me burned I would rip off this crown if I could, But it branded itself to my skull Felt cemented, my spirit was choked The flames rushed in I smiled—I smiled for you! I'm impressed that I could not see it through this maze Different stage, but the mask was the same I felt numb That fel-crown slipped off My soul went quiet for the first and only time What have you done for me? This trust’s been lost I am tired, and I am done I don’t care anymore! -Dreams of fire seared my cheeks But I couldn’t feel anymore... Has my heart turned into dust? -No more tears anymore Here’s to a father’s end!

about

"Heavy Is The Crown" is a concept album about a man's dismal attempt at redemption after having failed to fulfill his endeavor from the previous album. "Heavy Is The Crown" is part two of a five part series called, "From Windfall To Hell," which is the tragic tale of a man's delusional descent into madness. Keep in mind only 1-10% of the story is being told through the music.

credits

released November 15, 2016

All songs composed, written, recorded, and mixed by Justin Bonitz. I also programmed all the drum/orchestra MIDI and drew the album artwork!

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Hungry Lights

Hungry Lights is my solo music project. The plan is to release five concept albums all surrounding a character named, "Prill," who is a plesiosaur hunter on a quest to better his life, but everything he does just adds to his own delusion and lack of self-worth. The music is the musical interpretation of a book series I have been writing called, "From Windfall To Hell." ... more

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